it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
