If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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