I smell stomach acid.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
