I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
