mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
