She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just made my gag reflex go away.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
