If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
