my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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