sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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