I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
