shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
