I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
