she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize