I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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