margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
