Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
