Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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