my phone needs a breathalizer
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
