you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
