i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
