That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
