not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
