if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
