i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
