but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
