god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
