bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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