I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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