i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
