what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Randomize
