we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
