I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
