I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
