i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
