I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
