I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's always time for handjobs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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