I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
