You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
