i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
