I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Of course I have a pirate flag
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
