Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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