Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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