It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
