oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
