she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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