Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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