all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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