so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
