Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize