The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
is it fun? or sober?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
