You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
