You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
