During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
