You're my little dorito
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize
