Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
