I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
