grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
