? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
