dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
