I faked an abortion last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize