You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's Friday. Sex?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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