i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
