I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
