My room smells like vodka and shame
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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