Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
