I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
