Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
