This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize