i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
