dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
