I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
