Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize