I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
